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VIPER
Project 
Are
You In An Abusive Relationship?
The University of South Alabama has recognized that nearly half
of all campus-reported crimes involve relationship issues. This
site will help you recognize some early warning signs of domestic
abuse, and will give you information on assistance programs available
from USA and Mobile County, Alabama.
The University can help you escape an abusive relationship by coordinating
the resources available to you. Free counseling for USA affiliates,
room changes and phone number changes for on-campus residents, class
changes and excused absences for students or employees, possible
disciplinary sanctions against offenders or criminal charges can
help you confidently and safely leave the abuse.
"You Don't Have To Be Hit,
To Be Hurt By Domestic Violence"
It is important to understand mental, emotional, and physical
abuse and often includes other crimes such as Vandalism and Harassment.
These crimes usually occur during the beginning stages of an abusive
relationship. If you have discovered that your car has been "keyed"
or damaged, and you just broke up with someone, could it be related?
Are you receiving annoying phone calls or messages from someone
you are not interested in or ended a relationship with? Both of
these incidents are common in dating, but by identifying these events
as part of an abusive relationship is probably why a USA Police
Officer or Housing Official has referred you to our site or given
you our brochure.
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Domestic
Violence
The
University of South Alabama Police has developed the first
campus-based domestic crimes unit in the country. This program
has led to early intervention in domestic violence relationships
and a sharp decline in domestic violence related crimes including
assault, harassment, and sexual assault. The program is unique
for a police department in that it focuses on the safety of
the victim rather than the prosecution of the offender. If
a victim doesn't want to press charges against the offender,
it does not stop the intervention and assistance provided
by the university. This program works in conjunction with
Housing, Dean of Students Office, Personnel, and the legal
system.
Signs
to Look for In a Battering Personalities
Many
people are mostly interested in ways that they can predict
whether they are about to become involved with someone who
will be physically abusive. Below is a list of behaviors that
are seen in people who abuse their significant others. If
the person has several of the behaviors (say three or more),
there is a strong potential for physical violence - the more
signs the person has, the more likely the person is abusive.
In some cases, a batterer may have only a couple of behaviors
that the victim can recognize, but they are very exaggerated
(e.g., extreme jealousy over ridiculous things.) Initially,
the batterer will try to explain his behavior as signs of
his love and concern, and a victim may be flattered at first.
As time goes on, the behaviors become more severe and serve
to dominate the victim.
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Jealousy:
At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always
say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing
to do with love - it's a sign of insecurity and possessiveness.
They will question the victim about who they talk to,
accuse them of flirting, or be jealous of time they
spend with family, friends or children. As the jealousy
progresses, the abuser may call the victim frequently
during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He may refuse
to let her work for fear she'll meet someone else, even
have strange behaviors, such as, checking her car mileage
or asking friends to watch her.
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Controlling
Behavior: At first, the batterer will say
that this behavior is because he is concerned for the
victim's safety, her need to use her time well, or her
need to make good decisions. He will be angry if the victim
is "late" coming back from the store or an appointment.
He will question her closely about where she went, who
she talked to. As this behavior gets worse, he may not
let the victim make personal decisions about the house,
her clothing, going to church. He may keep all the money
or even make her ask permission to the house or room. |
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Quick
Involvement: Many battered women dated
or knew their abuser for less than six months before they
were engaged of living together. He comes on like a whirlwind
- "You're the only person I could ever talk to",
"I've never felt loved like this by anyone".
He needs someone desperately, and will pressure the woman
to commit to him. |
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Unrealistic
Expectations:
He is very dependent on the woman for all his needs. He
expects her to be the perfect wife, mother, lover, friend.
He will say things like, "If you love me, I'm all
you need-you're all I need." She is supposed to take
care of everything for him emotionally and in the home. |
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Isolation:
The abuser tries to cut the victim off from all resources.
If she has male friends, she is a "whore". If
she has female friends, she is a lesbian. If she is close
to family, she is "tied to the apron strings".
He accuses people who are her support of "causing
trouble". He may want to live in the country without
a telephone. He may not let her use the car, or he may
want to keep her from working or going to school. |
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Blames
Others For His Problems: If he is chronically
unemployed, someone is always doing him wrong, out to
get him. He may make mistakes and then blame the woman
for upsetting him and keeping him from concentrating on
doing his job. He will tell the woman she is at fault
for almost anything that goes wrong. |
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Blames
Others For His Feelings: He will tell the
victim, "You've made me mad;""You're hurting
me by not doing what I ask;""I can't help being
angry." He really makes the decision about what he
thinks and feels, but will use feelings to manipulate
the woman. Harder to catch are his claims that, "You
make me happy;""You control how I feel". |
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Hypersensitivity:
The abuser is easily insulted. He claims his feelings
are "Hurt" when he's angry, or he takes the
slightest setbacks as personal attacks. He will "rant
& rave" about the number of things that have
happened to him - things that are really just part of
living like being asked to work overtime, getting a traffic
ticket, being told something he does is annoying, being
asked to help with the chores. |
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Cruelty
To Animals Or Children: This is a person
who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their
pain or suffering. He may expect children to be capable
of doing things far beyond their ability (Whips a 2 year
old for wetting a diaper) or may tease children or young
brothers and sisters until they cry (60% of men who abuse
women that they are with also abuse their children). He
may not want children to eat at the table or expects them
to stay in their room all evening while he is home. |
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"Playful"
Use Of Force In Sex: This person may like
to throw the other down or hold them down during sex.
He may want to act out fantasies during sex where the
woman is helpless. He's letting her know that the idea
of "rape" excites him. He may show little concern
about whether the woman wants to have sex and uses sulking
or anger to manipulate her into compliance. He may start
having sex with the woman while she is sleeping, or demand
sex when she is ill or tired. |
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Verbal
Abuse: In addition to saying things that
are meant to be cruel and hurtful, this can be seen as
degrading the victim, cursing her, downing any of her
accomplishments. The man will tell her that she's stupid
and unable to function without him. This may involve waking
her up to verbally abuse her or not letting her sleep.
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Rigid
Sex Roles: The man expects a woman to serve
him. He will say she must stay at home, that she must
obey him in all things - even things that are criminal
in nature. The abuser will see a woman as inferior to
men, more stupid, unable to be a whole person without
a relationship. |
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Dr.
Jeckyl & Mr. Hyde: Many women are confused
by their abuser's "sudden" changes in mood.
They will describe him as nice one minute and the next,
he explodes; some special "mental problem" or
he's "crazy". Explosiveness and mood swings
are typical of men who beat their partners, and these
behaviors are related to other characteristics such as
hypersensitivity. |
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Past
Battering: The man may say he has hit women
in the past, but they made him do it. The woman may hear
from relatives or ex-spouses that the man is abusive.
A batterer will abuse any woman he is with, situational
circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality.
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Threats
Of Violence: This would include any threat
of physical force meant to control the woman. "I'll
slap your mouth off", "I'll kill you",
"I'll break your neck". Most men do not threaten
their mates, but a batterer will try to excuse this behavior
by saying "Everybody talks like that". |
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Breaking
Or Striking Objects: This behavior is used
as a punishment (breaking loved possessions) but is mostly
used to terrorize the victim into submission. The man
may beat on tables with his fist, throw objects around
or near the woman. Again, this is very remarkable behavior.
Only very immature people beat on objects in the presence
of other people in order to threaten them. |
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Any
Force During An Argument:
This may involve a man holding a woman down, physically
restraining her from leaving the room, any pushing or
shoving. The man may hold the woman against a wall and
say "You're going to listen to me". |
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If you
are a victim of domestic violence, please contact the University
Police Department at
(251) 460-6312 or call Sgt. Phil Fishel at (251) 460-6979. You can remain confidential.
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Domestic
Violence Resources
University
Police
(251) 460-6312
University
Counseling Services
(free to USA affiliates)
(251) 460-7051
University
Department of Housing
(251) 460-6185
University Dean of Students Office
(251) 460-6172
Penelope
House Shelter
(251) 342-3144
Mobile County Assistance Services
(251) 415-3500
Rape
Crisis/Contact Mobile
(251) 473-7273
Domestic
Violence Hotline
1-800-650-6522
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